Guiterman's Sublime Masefied Parody

Still painfully famous, Masefield's 'Sea Fever' ('I must go down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,/And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by...' and so on). But why read the original when you can read Arthur Guiterman's franky superior parody?

SEA-CHILL

When Mrs. John Masefield and her husband, the author of "Sea Fever," arrived on a liner, she said to a reporter "It was too uppy-downy, and Mr. Masefield was ill." - (News item)

I must go down to the seas again, where the billows romp and reel,
So all I ask is a large ship which rides on an even keel,
And a mild breeze and a broad deck with a slight list to leeward,
And a clean chair in a snug nook and nice, kind steward.

I must go down to the seas again, the sport of wind and tide,
As the gray wave and the green wave play leapfrog over the side;
And all I want is a glassy calm with a bone-dry scupper,
A good book and a warm rug and a light, plain supper.

I must go down to the seas again, though there I'm a total loss,
And I can't say which is worst: the pitch, the plunge, the roll, the toss;
But all I ask is a safe retreat in a bar well tended,
And a soft berth and a smooth course till the long trip's ended.