'How would you sum up Monsieur de Guise?' 'Well, he hates naked women.' 'Hates them enough to want them impaled through the privates by a gigantic sword?' 'Easily that much, yes.'
'Let's say I'm a lover, yeah?'
'Dude!'
'Say I have a special little lady in mind, yeah?'
'Player!'
'What emblem do you think would best express the tenderness of my affections?'
'How about: a woman with her arms chopped off, tied to a stake, a humungous candle burning down on her head, and a massive bug coming in to land on her face?'
'Steady on: I'm not trying to get her to marry me.'
What is 'Nobility'? Well, nobility is very much a matter of walking around carrying at all times a rectangular frame upon which birds are perching.
'I went out, leaving all my gold coins in pots on the table as usual. But then I'm sorry to say my pet monkey got loose and threw all my money out of the window. I know it's a long shot, but: do you have an off-the-peg emblem I could use to explain my predicament to my friends?'
From Gabriello Simeoni's Les devises ou emblemes heroiques et morales (1559)
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